The Laws of Attraction

This question floated across my twitter timeline this week: "Ladies...what's the sexiest nonsexual thing a man can do that'll turn you on?" I immediately came up with an answer, like you probably just did, it's like a reflex. Then I had another answer and another, so this week I present my very first listicle! These are The Top 10 Nonsexual Things A Man Can Do To Turn Me On:

10. Dress well. This is not super important to me, because it's not inherent, it can be learned; however, a guy in clothes that fit him (not baggy, not too little) and are well coordinated will put a smirk on my face. 😏 P.S. Labels don't matter to me except for USPA. Never. Wear. USPA.

9. Be nice to my friends. Don't take this for granted. There's a weird rhetoric that the boyfriend hates the besties, but not with my girlfriends. The friends I have are reflections of me, so it makes me happy when my guy gets along with them. And even if he doesn't like them, respecting them means he respects their position in my life and ultimately, me.

8. Introduce me to new things. For me, this is usually music or television. I really like it when we can vibe with the same entertainment choices because it becomes a way for us to spend more quality time together, or they become mementos of that person to me.

7. Be good with kids or animals. These are the sweetest moments! I would add the elderly in too, because here a gentleman has to have patience and understanding, compassion and even creativity. And also if he doesn't treat the aforementioned well, that's a red flag.

6. Remember the little things. Dates, my favorite candy, why I hate voicemails, what soap I use...these are all little things. It's sexy because it means a fella is paying attention to me. Attention is not always favorable, but with the small things, you can't miss.

5. Have good hygiene. I can't kiss you if your teeth aren't brushed. I can't run my fingers through your head full of dandruff. Why are you so ashy?! Kidding guys (but not really). Men get busy, they get funky. I find good hygiene very attractive, because it encourages me to be more intimate.

4. Listen and respond. Seems simple right? Not! I know I can talk for days, so if I can make an effort to give you the short version and save the girlfriend version for my girlfriends, you can listen AND RESPOND. Reciprocity period is sexy to me, so that last part is essential. Everyone wants to be heard.

3. Lawd have mercy, know when I'm tired and give me a break. My favorite compliment in the world I have ever received at 28 is "I know you're tired, you don't have to be Superwoman tonight." This was after I threw a huge corporate party, had been on my feet and entertaining all night and just wanted valet to hurry up. There are multiple instances I can name though. Knowing a guy cares about my well being enough to stop me when I'm still going is...just, yeah.

2. Be good at his job. The passion involved in a man's work can be marvelous to watch if he loves his job. Watching his skill, proficiency and intelligence turns me on. I'm also a big supporter of "work smarter, not harder".

1. Pray. I didn't know this was a thing, but it was my automatic answer to that tweet. I always knew I wanted a man with a connection to faith, but I saw a man I was interested in pray and I lit up like a Christmas tree. It was beautiful, and the top non-sexual thing a man can do that I find very sexy. In case you didn't know, God is love.

I hope you found this list fun and funny, feel free to share your answers in the comments. Until next Sunday!

Dr. Seuss Always Has the Answers

As a millennial woman (omg, when did I become a woman?!) I worry about work/life balance all the time. This week I had to call in reinforcements to help clean my apartment because I have been working nonstop. And on the days I rest, I really try to rest. However, the cleanliness of my space is tied to my psyche, and I didn't have a handle on my home. Right now, all I have to take care of is me. I worry that with a husband and kids and a full time job and a passion project or two, something will suffer. I want to have a successful career, but I also want to raise my family. Millennials have gotten the short end of the stick in so many areas, and I wonder if as women we are doing double the workload to get the gender equality we asked for. Where do we find the balance? On my current schedule, I have to force myself to rest at least one day a week and even that's a struggle. I've preached about self-care, but even so, my mind is always running faster than my body can. Usually I'm giving you guys my experiences and advice, but today I'm asking for yours. My millennial ladies - how do you do it all and not burnout? My workaholics - are you taking care of yourselves? My agenda freaks - how are you spreading enough around without stretching yourself too thin? Leave comments below, I would love your feedback, we may all learn something from each other today.

Waiting to Exhale

Funny...I remember identifying with Bernadine at a young age. If you mention Waiting to Exhale to me I will spout ALL her lines whether you want me to or not (ask my sister). Now I understand why I loved this character so much. Not only was she beautiful, classy and fierce, she was growing. She found herself broken and despondent and after her period of self-pity and even loathing maybe, she found her way back to sanity. I never wanted to burn up a luxury car, but something in Bernie's voice called to my spirit. She was reclaiming herself. She was realizing she was a whole person by her damn self. She had put her dream on hold for too long, taken disrespect for too long, and she lost her way. But my favorite part comes next...she figures it out. Not gracefully, obviously that garage sale didn't make any money, but hey, purge and process how you need to. Eventually though, Bernadine Harris emerged from the smoke victorious. And for that, as messy and beautiful as it was, she will always be my hero. Sometimes I don't feel whole, both physically and emotionally. My body has been broken. My peace has been shaken, but I am persistent. I find my way back every time, and one day I will make a home in the comfort of my completeness. I'm still figuring it out, but I make sure every week that my goals are going to lead me to that perfect peace. And I realize peace is not a destination, which is partially why I can keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. I'm not holding my breath waiting to be whole, I'm breathing in deeply and exhaling right this moment.

Set the Intention for Your Practice

This weekend I competed in #TexasGrandSlam, one of the largest individual poetry slam competitions in the South. My first time competing, I made it to semi-finals against some of the biggest names in poetry. However, this post is not about that. This post is about today. The after…what I plan to do next. I could become a traveling poet, I could make my way around the city of Houston to every open mic there is, I could work on a book of poems; basically the possibilities are endless. If you’ve read any of this blog before, you know none of these are what I want to do. My focus right now is getting my talk show off the ground. So although the competition was exciting and I will still do poetry, I set my goal already. When you set your goal, if something doesn’t align with your goal, ask yourself why you’re doing it. Be open to a winding path, because life will take you places on the way to your goal, but be selective about which directions you take. I recently asked a veteran poet why he was still doing poetry and he responded, “Commitment is doing the thing you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.” There is value in this statement, but I do believe every now and then you have to examine what you’re committing yourself to. If it doesn’t fit anymore, set new goals. Set your goals for the day, the week, your life! Write it down, make it plain, then execute. Just like at the beginning of yoga, set the intention for your practice. I’d love to hear what you decide! Tweet me using the hashtag #settingmyintentions and I’ll write you guys next week!

Plus 5 cool points if you understand why I chose this gif ;-)

Let Him Be Nice To You!

I could post a million things on trying to date as a millennial. This is a popular topic because it has gotten complicated and no one seems to know what the etiquette is anymore because no one seems to know what the motives are anymore. I’m personally in my head all the time and often make the mistake of assuming the other person is telepathic. In my old age (haha) I’ve learned to go with the flow. More importantly, I’ve learned that I define what I want and a relationship can be whatever I want it to be. I had a type – medium brown, beautiful smile, trash motives. Jesus happily dismantled that over time and a removed a couple terrible people from my life and I’m much wiser for it. Now my type is open.

I’m thankful for the girlfriends in my life who set me up for success in dismantling this idea in my head of what my guy was supposed to be. Looking back I probably developed those ideas from personal experiences, TV and societal “norms”. Literally. When a new guy came along who was not at all what I imagined, I was totally annoyed by him. Not interested. Not even paying him any attention. And my friends said, “Let him be nice to you!” They yelled it at me because they know how hard-headed I am. I softened, I let him be nice to me and the result was amazing. Oh my gosh, I liked a guy who wasn’t my type! Except it turns out he was, because my type changed. Having a type usually also means you’re going to run into the same kind of person and same kind of problems you don’t want. Learn to recognize your patterns in life and in relationships and analyze them; adjust them accordingly. Changing your type doesn’t mean changing your standards. It means being aware that someone who doesn’t look like or act like the picture in your head could absolutely meet those standards. I learned, I grew, I ended up happy. What is your ideal man or woman? Why? What do you want from them? Why? What are you willing to give them? Why? Ask yourself these basic questions. And then let him/her be nice to you!

May the Bridges I Burn Light The Way...

I get it. Sometimes you can’t salvage a relationship. It’s just not going to happen, however in business and in life, sometimes you need to be the bigger, more professional person. For me, this lesson hit home last week. One of my personal flaws is that I get really excited about work that I love doing and if it’s not something I’m excited about, I will shirk tasks like nobody’s business. (They still get done, eventually.) One such instance of this happened recently and it could have damaged a relationship I had with a vendor. I wasn’t being lazy or rude, but I asked for working conditions to change and they didn’t, so I stopped working. My mistake here was that after having a conversation with him about the working conditions, instead of following up and letting him know my dissatisfaction and warning him that I was going to stop working, I just quit. At this point I could have just said “F*ck it” and I’ll find more work somewhere else (because I always will) but I was wrong and my gut was telling me to correct the situation. 

I called the vendor and apologized. I was very careful to only use “I” statements and not try to place blame, but to clarify my point of view and make sure that the both of us were getting the respect we felt we deserved. He respected my call and was very understanding and the relationship was right back on a positive note. It takes bravery sometimes to repair a bridge, but I’ve got plenty other light to use along my path. Is there a call you need to make? The worst thing that can happen is the situation stays the same. Check yourself and see if you need some #bridgerepair. Tweet me about it if you need a positive word before you make the call.

Also: Check out this link. I'm not going to preface it for you, you just gotta click. (I am excited!)

Careful what you pray for…

I prayed to God for discernment. Me and Trina prayed together for clarity. And literally a day later, I got exactly what we prayed for. I needed direction, I signed up to be a part of this project that seemed amazing and profitable, but when I really thought about it, the project didn’t align with my ultimate goals. I wasn’t excited about doing the work even though I knew I could do the work. And to top it off, I let this go on for weeks, when I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was off. That something was me. I really have a hard time telling people “no”, but in my new ventures I am learning to be more assertive. And also more decisive. When you know what you want and what you don’t, it’s easier to say simple words like “yes” and “no” and mean them.

In this case, I didn’t know what I wanted, so I was being swept up into what could have been a great opportunity for someone else, but it wasn’t right for me. Earlier this week I talked about how you should #doitafraid, and that includes turning offers down in order to get what you really want. Not everything that is presented to you will be for you. Not all money is good money, no matter what they tell you and not all deals are golden. Be discerning. And if you’re not sure how, my suggestion is literally to follow your gut and to pray about it. You can consult whoever you talk to at 2am, but at the end of they day, each one of us is truly in control of our own destiny. Make sure you’re doing what you love.