Let Him Be Nice To You!

I could post a million things on trying to date as a millennial. This is a popular topic because it has gotten complicated and no one seems to know what the etiquette is anymore because no one seems to know what the motives are anymore. I’m personally in my head all the time and often make the mistake of assuming the other person is telepathic. In my old age (haha) I’ve learned to go with the flow. More importantly, I’ve learned that I define what I want and a relationship can be whatever I want it to be. I had a type – medium brown, beautiful smile, trash motives. Jesus happily dismantled that over time and a removed a couple terrible people from my life and I’m much wiser for it. Now my type is open.

I’m thankful for the girlfriends in my life who set me up for success in dismantling this idea in my head of what my guy was supposed to be. Looking back I probably developed those ideas from personal experiences, TV and societal “norms”. Literally. When a new guy came along who was not at all what I imagined, I was totally annoyed by him. Not interested. Not even paying him any attention. And my friends said, “Let him be nice to you!” They yelled it at me because they know how hard-headed I am. I softened, I let him be nice to me and the result was amazing. Oh my gosh, I liked a guy who wasn’t my type! Except it turns out he was, because my type changed. Having a type usually also means you’re going to run into the same kind of person and same kind of problems you don’t want. Learn to recognize your patterns in life and in relationships and analyze them; adjust them accordingly. Changing your type doesn’t mean changing your standards. It means being aware that someone who doesn’t look like or act like the picture in your head could absolutely meet those standards. I learned, I grew, I ended up happy. What is your ideal man or woman? Why? What do you want from them? Why? What are you willing to give them? Why? Ask yourself these basic questions. And then let him/her be nice to you!

May the Bridges I Burn Light The Way...

I get it. Sometimes you can’t salvage a relationship. It’s just not going to happen, however in business and in life, sometimes you need to be the bigger, more professional person. For me, this lesson hit home last week. One of my personal flaws is that I get really excited about work that I love doing and if it’s not something I’m excited about, I will shirk tasks like nobody’s business. (They still get done, eventually.) One such instance of this happened recently and it could have damaged a relationship I had with a vendor. I wasn’t being lazy or rude, but I asked for working conditions to change and they didn’t, so I stopped working. My mistake here was that after having a conversation with him about the working conditions, instead of following up and letting him know my dissatisfaction and warning him that I was going to stop working, I just quit. At this point I could have just said “F*ck it” and I’ll find more work somewhere else (because I always will) but I was wrong and my gut was telling me to correct the situation. 

I called the vendor and apologized. I was very careful to only use “I” statements and not try to place blame, but to clarify my point of view and make sure that the both of us were getting the respect we felt we deserved. He respected my call and was very understanding and the relationship was right back on a positive note. It takes bravery sometimes to repair a bridge, but I’ve got plenty other light to use along my path. Is there a call you need to make? The worst thing that can happen is the situation stays the same. Check yourself and see if you need some #bridgerepair. Tweet me about it if you need a positive word before you make the call.

Also: Check out this link. I'm not going to preface it for you, you just gotta click. (I am excited!)

Careful what you pray for…

I prayed to God for discernment. Me and Trina prayed together for clarity. And literally a day later, I got exactly what we prayed for. I needed direction, I signed up to be a part of this project that seemed amazing and profitable, but when I really thought about it, the project didn’t align with my ultimate goals. I wasn’t excited about doing the work even though I knew I could do the work. And to top it off, I let this go on for weeks, when I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was off. That something was me. I really have a hard time telling people “no”, but in my new ventures I am learning to be more assertive. And also more decisive. When you know what you want and what you don’t, it’s easier to say simple words like “yes” and “no” and mean them.

In this case, I didn’t know what I wanted, so I was being swept up into what could have been a great opportunity for someone else, but it wasn’t right for me. Earlier this week I talked about how you should #doitafraid, and that includes turning offers down in order to get what you really want. Not everything that is presented to you will be for you. Not all money is good money, no matter what they tell you and not all deals are golden. Be discerning. And if you’re not sure how, my suggestion is literally to follow your gut and to pray about it. You can consult whoever you talk to at 2am, but at the end of they day, each one of us is truly in control of our own destiny. Make sure you’re doing what you love.

A Word on Consistency

So...a word on consistency. I have none regarding this blog. So let's catch you up on my life since my last post - essentially I spent the summer preparing for the National Poetry Slam, with my team, Houston VIP Slam. We went to the competition and finished as one of the top 15 teams in the nation out of 72 teams. A week of performing, consuming and being surrounded by art and artists. The whole process was exhilarating, tiring, amazing...I loved it.

Once I returned home from Georgia, I returned to wide open possibilities. I had to make a decision. I decided that I'm going to create my talk show. And I'm going to blog. I'm going to chase my dream of becoming a television personality with fervor. This is the path I've chosen. I'm not waiting on a chance, I'm gonna create my own. I'm not gonna lie, it's terrifying, but I've been told that if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough. Today I'd like to encourage you to DO IT AFRAID. (Thanks Deep.) Bravery doesn't mean you're not afraid, it means you do it anyway. So do it anyway, no matter what it is. Text that girl, move to that place, start that thing, get a job you love. And if you want to tell me about it, tweet me using the hashtag #doitafraid.

Also, fun fact: My best friend started a show where we discuss movies called Talking to the Screen. We think it's pretty entertaining, you can listen to it here and tell us if we're right.

I'm going to write to you guys next Sunday, because a word on consistency: I need to have it.