Save the Drama for Yo Mama

I just realized this year, when my best friend said it to me, I like drama in a relationship. Having this realization made me wonder why, and the answer is I like drama because that's what I'm used to. I hadn't seen D in over a month and decided to text him that I missed him, because honestly, I missed him. I wasn't thinking about any of the negative things about him, I was thinking about my friend who I talked to about everything for months straight. I was thinking about being in the same room as him and feeling the pull between us. I was thinking about whether I should send that text, and before I could change my mind, I did.

That conversation ended in news that would separate us for good. His life changed in a way that I could never be a part of, and we could possibly still maintain a friendship, but I don't know how smart that would be, given the circumstances. I'm going to see him again, he's quite popular in Houston, but no one will ever know he and I had a chance, and that's the way I prefer it. What I discovered in contacting him again is that what God has for you will always be for you, and what is not for you will never be for you. D was not for me. He is meant to be someone's great man, knight in shining armor, someone's person like on Grey's Anatomy, but I'm not on the other side of that see-saw. I wonder if he hadn't dropped a bomb on me if we would have fallen back into the same destructive cycle we had been in. Instead, I'm thankful God stepped in. He knew I wasn't strong enough. He heard my prayers and answered me.

When he told me his news, the first thing I did was panic about how he might feel about it. I asked him if he was happy and when he told me he was, I genuinely felt relieved. Crazy, huh? That you can pray for someone who is preying on you. I do want him to live a happy life, just not with me anymore. The desire has disappeared, and I think that has opened my heart for the next guy. We may not realize it, but when we are subconsciously waiting on someone, when we have even the tiniest sliver of hope that someone will get their shit together for us, we aren't open to the love we deserve. I'm open now and ready to receive. It literally took an act of God, but what can I say? He loves me. He pulled me out of the drama, and I'm depending on God to show me what love really is.