I Believe I Can Fly

I didn't abandon you, I promise! Lovely readers, I have great news. So if you've been reading this blog, you're aware I started it as a way to have some consistency and a way to speak about things I care about, hence the diary part of the name. I appreciate everyone who has been on this journey with me in 2016. As of this week, my writing has been recognized by this awesome blog called The Birdhaus. It's a collective of bloggers voicing their opinions on a multitude of topics. I will now be taking my talents to South Beach (aka their site) and I'm very excited about it! We're up and running, and I will still be giving you all the thoughts that fall out of my brain, just in a different location. I never imagined I would get picked up by a bigger site, but it just means that you and someone else values what I have to say and I'm thankful for your loyalty. I'm going to leave this writing here for now, for anyone who needs to reference it. I urge you all to visit The Birdhaus, in turn visiting me and an amazing group of women who aren't afraid to fly.

Don't Pick a Poison...Pick You

It's okay not to deal with toxic people...even if those people are your family members. With the holidays approaching, it's easy to get caught up in drama that has nothing to do with you - don't. Be understanding and know that some people manifest negativity and will project their insecurities and problems onto you because they don't know any better. 

It took me a very long time to remove myself from toxicity, and honestly I still find myself wrapped in it sometimes, but less and less these days. You do not have to pick a poison and furthermore, you don't have to feel guilty about your decision to remove yourself. I've had people tell me even witchcraft is going on around me when I don't want to succumb to toxic situations. The only witchcraft I see is when people don't take care of their mental health. There such a stigma on mental issues, especially in the African American community. I love God and I will see a therapist in a heartbeat. There is nothing wrong with doing both. Sometimes I wish I could get along with certain folks. I yearn for closeness with some of the ones I love, but until they can take care of themselves better, I can't be around them. It's like standing next to a live mine, you don't know when it will go off, you are sure to be blown up, but you're expected to do it because that's your friend, neighbor, sister, dad, etc. Break free from the expectations and obligations of the external world. Get in tune with yourself. As long as you know who you are and why you've chosen not to be in a toxic situation, that's all that matters. And if that situation changes, great! More love for you! But if it doesn't and you keep banging your head against a brick wall, no one gets bloodied but you. The brick wall never feels a thing. I'm saying this as a reminder to myself and as a comfort to my readers. 

I don't know what your scenario might be, but ask yourself the questions that you keep avoiding. Is this relationship toxic? Do I feel good around this person? Do I have good reactions to what this person is talking about? Does something need to change in this relationship? If it does, sooner is always better than later in this case. It will be tough, you will want to hate yourself for it, but in the long run, in your future, there should only be good, healthy relationships. Don't pick a poison, suck it out. Block their number, stop the conversation, don't show up...take a step towards a healthier life mentally. Love and light to everyone reading.

Help! I've Fallen but I'm Not Going to Ask For Help!

This week one of my best friends and I had a very interesting conversation about asking for help. I’m used to being a one-woman wrecking crew, but with trying to launch my online talk show and other projects I’m involved in, I have to ask for help. The main issue with this is -- I can’t control what other people do – I can make my standards known, but I have to trust someone to complete a job to my satisfaction. I’m very proud of myself for being able to do this, because I can be a control freak sometimes. I have high standards for my work and the work of those around me. As my friend explained, he feels like he has to play all the roles for his upcoming web series, but he likes it that way. Different strokes for different folks, but I personally feel like I wish I had a “me” at my side to help navigate this freelance world. Heck, the working world in general. I know way too many people who are too afraid or too stubborn to ask for help. If you prefer working alone, that’s one thing, but if you’re drowning and don’t reach your hand out to be saved, then you deserve to drown. I watched another good friend of mine deteriorate physically trying to get a huge project done; he did ask for help in some areas, but he was so burnt out at the end of everything that I wondered why he doesn’t just hire a staff. Will everyone you hire stay with you forever? No. Will everyone see the vision you have? No. However, everyone can serve a purpose. 

This week I urge you to ask for help. Something big, something small, something you may not even need help with…just ask. Tweet me when you do! Make it a practice to involve other people when you need it. And in this way, not only do you take some of the pressure off yourself, you’re able to give back in a way that grows someone else and allows you to gain managerial skills. You don’t have to be in corporate America to be a good manager or a boss. You don’t have to run your battery down trying to get it all done. And if you’re the person reading this article with a furrowed brow, then I’m especially talking to you. Since I lead by example, here is my ask:

I’m looking for a few great (not good) interns to help with the Stephe B Show. Here are the positions:

--Editor (2)

--Camera Operator (3)

--Sound/Boom Operator (2)

--Floor Director (1)

--Production Assistant (2)

Pass this post along to anyone you know who has the skills for these positions. Email iamstepheb@gmail.com with INTERNSHIP and the position you would like in the subject line. After receiving your email, I will send more details about the job description; you must be local to Houston. I promise to share with you all the knowledge I have on how to successfully run a show, and boost your resume to the best of your ability, and in return I ask for you to give 100% to your position. I will be making decisions by November 27, 2016 so email now J Don't forget to tell me in the comments what's keeping you from asking for help!

The Laws of Attraction

This question floated across my twitter timeline this week: "Ladies...what's the sexiest nonsexual thing a man can do that'll turn you on?" I immediately came up with an answer, like you probably just did, it's like a reflex. Then I had another answer and another, so this week I present my very first listicle! These are The Top 10 Nonsexual Things A Man Can Do To Turn Me On:

10. Dress well. This is not super important to me, because it's not inherent, it can be learned; however, a guy in clothes that fit him (not baggy, not too little) and are well coordinated will put a smirk on my face. 😏 P.S. Labels don't matter to me except for USPA. Never. Wear. USPA.

9. Be nice to my friends. Don't take this for granted. There's a weird rhetoric that the boyfriend hates the besties, but not with my girlfriends. The friends I have are reflections of me, so it makes me happy when my guy gets along with them. And even if he doesn't like them, respecting them means he respects their position in my life and ultimately, me.

8. Introduce me to new things. For me, this is usually music or television. I really like it when we can vibe with the same entertainment choices because it becomes a way for us to spend more quality time together, or they become mementos of that person to me.

7. Be good with kids or animals. These are the sweetest moments! I would add the elderly in too, because here a gentleman has to have patience and understanding, compassion and even creativity. And also if he doesn't treat the aforementioned well, that's a red flag.

6. Remember the little things. Dates, my favorite candy, why I hate voicemails, what soap I use...these are all little things. It's sexy because it means a fella is paying attention to me. Attention is not always favorable, but with the small things, you can't miss.

5. Have good hygiene. I can't kiss you if your teeth aren't brushed. I can't run my fingers through your head full of dandruff. Why are you so ashy?! Kidding guys (but not really). Men get busy, they get funky. I find good hygiene very attractive, because it encourages me to be more intimate.

4. Listen and respond. Seems simple right? Not! I know I can talk for days, so if I can make an effort to give you the short version and save the girlfriend version for my girlfriends, you can listen AND RESPOND. Reciprocity period is sexy to me, so that last part is essential. Everyone wants to be heard.

3. Lawd have mercy, know when I'm tired and give me a break. My favorite compliment in the world I have ever received at 28 is "I know you're tired, you don't have to be Superwoman tonight." This was after I threw a huge corporate party, had been on my feet and entertaining all night and just wanted valet to hurry up. There are multiple instances I can name though. Knowing a guy cares about my well being enough to stop me when I'm still going is...just, yeah.

2. Be good at his job. The passion involved in a man's work can be marvelous to watch if he loves his job. Watching his skill, proficiency and intelligence turns me on. I'm also a big supporter of "work smarter, not harder".

1. Pray. I didn't know this was a thing, but it was my automatic answer to that tweet. I always knew I wanted a man with a connection to faith, but I saw a man I was interested in pray and I lit up like a Christmas tree. It was beautiful, and the top non-sexual thing a man can do that I find very sexy. In case you didn't know, God is love.

I hope you found this list fun and funny, feel free to share your answers in the comments. Until next Sunday!

Dr. Seuss Always Has the Answers

As a millennial woman (omg, when did I become a woman?!) I worry about work/life balance all the time. This week I had to call in reinforcements to help clean my apartment because I have been working nonstop. And on the days I rest, I really try to rest. However, the cleanliness of my space is tied to my psyche, and I didn't have a handle on my home. Right now, all I have to take care of is me. I worry that with a husband and kids and a full time job and a passion project or two, something will suffer. I want to have a successful career, but I also want to raise my family. Millennials have gotten the short end of the stick in so many areas, and I wonder if as women we are doing double the workload to get the gender equality we asked for. Where do we find the balance? On my current schedule, I have to force myself to rest at least one day a week and even that's a struggle. I've preached about self-care, but even so, my mind is always running faster than my body can. Usually I'm giving you guys my experiences and advice, but today I'm asking for yours. My millennial ladies - how do you do it all and not burnout? My workaholics - are you taking care of yourselves? My agenda freaks - how are you spreading enough around without stretching yourself too thin? Leave comments below, I would love your feedback, we may all learn something from each other today.

Waiting to Exhale

Funny...I remember identifying with Bernadine at a young age. If you mention Waiting to Exhale to me I will spout ALL her lines whether you want me to or not (ask my sister). Now I understand why I loved this character so much. Not only was she beautiful, classy and fierce, she was growing. She found herself broken and despondent and after her period of self-pity and even loathing maybe, she found her way back to sanity. I never wanted to burn up a luxury car, but something in Bernie's voice called to my spirit. She was reclaiming herself. She was realizing she was a whole person by her damn self. She had put her dream on hold for too long, taken disrespect for too long, and she lost her way. But my favorite part comes next...she figures it out. Not gracefully, obviously that garage sale didn't make any money, but hey, purge and process how you need to. Eventually though, Bernadine Harris emerged from the smoke victorious. And for that, as messy and beautiful as it was, she will always be my hero. Sometimes I don't feel whole, both physically and emotionally. My body has been broken. My peace has been shaken, but I am persistent. I find my way back every time, and one day I will make a home in the comfort of my completeness. I'm still figuring it out, but I make sure every week that my goals are going to lead me to that perfect peace. And I realize peace is not a destination, which is partially why I can keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. I'm not holding my breath waiting to be whole, I'm breathing in deeply and exhaling right this moment.

Set the Intention for Your Practice

This weekend I competed in #TexasGrandSlam, one of the largest individual poetry slam competitions in the South. My first time competing, I made it to semi-finals against some of the biggest names in poetry. However, this post is not about that. This post is about today. The after…what I plan to do next. I could become a traveling poet, I could make my way around the city of Houston to every open mic there is, I could work on a book of poems; basically the possibilities are endless. If you’ve read any of this blog before, you know none of these are what I want to do. My focus right now is getting my talk show off the ground. So although the competition was exciting and I will still do poetry, I set my goal already. When you set your goal, if something doesn’t align with your goal, ask yourself why you’re doing it. Be open to a winding path, because life will take you places on the way to your goal, but be selective about which directions you take. I recently asked a veteran poet why he was still doing poetry and he responded, “Commitment is doing the thing you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.” There is value in this statement, but I do believe every now and then you have to examine what you’re committing yourself to. If it doesn’t fit anymore, set new goals. Set your goals for the day, the week, your life! Write it down, make it plain, then execute. Just like at the beginning of yoga, set the intention for your practice. I’d love to hear what you decide! Tweet me using the hashtag #settingmyintentions and I’ll write you guys next week!

Plus 5 cool points if you understand why I chose this gif ;-)